Through some sort of miracle, I did stay halfway on track on Thursday. I went home and made a paleo shepherds pie, but I also drank. At least I did one thing right.
Friday I learned a bit more about separating my anxiety from what was actually happening. Sort of like cognitive behavioral therapy, which has helped me in the past. So I made a chart. The first column was for the actual facts of things that are happening to me. The second is what I interpret from them (which is what usually stems my anxiety attacks). And the third column is what I can (reasonably) do with the facts. Here's what I came up with:
And you know what? I actually felt better after writing all of it down and not letting my brain make up these horrible stories about me. I had done this exercise in the past, specifically in marriage counseling, but I never gave it much value because I didn't understand how it could be applied to my own mental health. So this was a really big step forward in recognizing how to address my anxiety.
And I had a great weekend. I rented a car and went to visit a few friends who live way out of town. One of them was even having a Mardi Gras party, so I had the opportunity to meet a lot of their friends before their wedding in a few months. And I had a really good time and didn't feel horribly awkward after I left. I'm not sure if Jeff and Jacklyn's friends are just amazing, or if I was just having an exceptionally, good day. Probably both.
Sunday the awesomeness continued. Although I slept around 14 hours; when I got up I did the dishes, took out the trash, changed the cat litter, vacuumed a bit, and even did grocery shopping and my laundry. Of course, these were things that took me about 5 hours to complete and the normal person would have done it in 2; but I'm just happy I was able to do all those things in one day.
It was a pretty good weekend, especially considering the last few weekends I've had.
Plus, I switched to e-cigarettes on Saturday. I feel alright and I'm going to make it to the gym today. I missed my chance last week, but with all the progress I've made over the past few days, I'm ready for this one. So far, the 'change one thing per day' is going alright.
Friday: I recognized how to engage with my anxiety in a way that is helpful for me.
Saturday: I quit smoking and I went to see friends and attend a party. I also realized that drinking makes me anxious, so I think that would be the best reason in the world for me to quit drinking.
Sunday: I did a lot of chores and errands (even though I slept most of the day)
Monday: Go to the gym and make some meals for the week