Back on the road!

Shin splints begone! I am running again!

As much as I wanted to go out there and knock off a 4 mile run immediately, I had to take it easy so I didn't land myself right back where I started. I went for an easy, 2.25 mile run on Friday and started off easy. When I finished, I was surprised at how my pace had improved - almost 30 sec faster than my average.

Of course I thought it was a fluke. So on Sunday I ran again along my favorite route - the Boston Esplanade. I will never, never in my life get tired of running around the Charles River. It's too bad it's so far from my house that I can't just run there. Instead, I took my bike out for the first time this year, biked 5 miles to get to the Esplanade, then ran. (and then biked home! Yeah!)

And my pace improved. This time, 1:20 faster than my average pace. Say what?

One of the things I like best about using Nike+ as my main running app is the math it does. Pace, distance, time, averages, high scores; it keeps track of all of it. And even though I haven't been running a lot (I only average about 6-10 runs per month), my pace has improved significantly, and I'm well on my way to hitting that coveted 10 min/mile. Plus, I've finally pushed past my plateau and I've started to lose weight again.

My long weekend

I broke my 'no smoking, no drinking' streak and hung out with some ex coworkers on Thursday. I'm paying for it now (my weight went up a little bit and I missed 2 runs this week), but I was happy I did it.  I don't get to see Joe and Courtney very often (since one or both of them are always at work or school), and it was a really good time. Plus, I couldn't handle another holiday weekend where I didn't have plans. I had to get out and do something, even if that meant getting drunk.

This is one thing that has really bothered me lately. I'm pretty lonely. I rarely have plans with anyone over the weekend or during the week. And it's not like I don't try. But everyone else is really busy with their own life. They're busy with their own family, or their own projects. Most of them complain that they never have enough time. I'd probably be that way too if I still had a second job. But I'm single, with one job, and a handful of hobbies that don't take up nearly enough time.  I don't have family that lives nearby. My closest family member is 6 hours away, so I don't have the option to 'swing by' for a BBQ or just a friendly visit over the weekend.

I'm not jealous or frustrated that my friends are busy. This is great for them. They're living their life in the happy way that they deserve. If I had the choice, that's exactly how I would want to be living my life too. It would just be really nice to see them occasionally. I call up a friend and ask them to hang out, and I get told that they'll have to check their schedule and get back to me, or that 'maybe next month we can do something.'  Or no response at all. I've just about given up on asking.

So that's why I couldn't handle another weekend of nothing. And breaking my rules in order to hang out with some really good friends was a good deal.

I could just really do with something good happening to me right about now. Losing some weight, having a friend get back in touch, not being in chronic pain*. Any of these will do. I'll take any of them.

* I'm really over this pain. My muscles are constantly sore, even though I take very good care of myself after I exercise and try to eat healthy. It's getting so bad that I'm having trouble sleeping, even with meds. I took a few days off training, and my first run back, 2 hours later the pain returned.

WIN

Oh hey, look what I won:

More gadgets to help me on my way!

Thanks to my employer who had a weight loss challenge. I won because I lost over 4% of my weight in 8 weeks. 

Running is my happy place

This image has nothing to do with this post;
except that it makes me happy.

I just wanted to do a little check in (for myself mostly). When I'm feeling good I don't tend to think about WHY I'm feeling good or what I'm doing that's making myself feel good.  It's just as important to assess your mood and mental health when you're feeling great as it is when you're feeling horribly anxious and depressed. I tend to forget this.

I'm feeling alright, and trying to keep it that way.  I quit smoking on Friday and have been doing great since then; staying away from triggers and talking to myself logically when I'm having a craving:

-"This isn't going to fix the thing you're stressing out about."
-"You will be setting yourself further back, running-wise."

Usually the first reason fixes any craving I'm having. Because it's true. Inhaling tar and smoke and getting a mini-high from the nicotine will not fix the boredom I'm experiencing, or the frustration I'm having for myself. And as long as I don't give up and just say 'Well fuck, at least I tried,' I think I can do this. Most times in the past when I 'quit' and then started up again where situations when I just threw my hands up in the air in frustration and thought 'It doesn't matter because everything I'm doing sucks anyway!' Taking care of myself wasn't a priority anymore because I just sucked so I might as well just pile on the suck that I was.

Fighting depression doesn't leave a lot of willpower for quitting a nasty habit.

But I'm doing ok. And I'm trying so, so, SO hard to be nice to myself and not call myself an idiot for anything and everything.

I've been doing some CBT work with my new therapist, as well as some work understanding the trauma I experienced and how to deal with it. All in all, it's helping and I really think it's making a difference in how I view myself.